I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
