The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
