come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dignity is for republicans.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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