This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
