oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
