Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
