He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
