You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
