Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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