Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
