Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
