I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
