R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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