I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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