I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
