we're blogging at a bar
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
