i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
