Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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