Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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