I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
