dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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