You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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