Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
