I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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