if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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