She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
