We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
