u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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