idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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