I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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