I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
