guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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