would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Alive.
So much puke
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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