I'm laying in your front yard are you home
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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