I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I checked into jail on foursquare
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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