someone get that fucking seahorse.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Alive.
So much puke
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
