I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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