Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
