the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
