can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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