im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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