dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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