There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
