My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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