my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
