when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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