My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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