Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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