he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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