Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize