you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
