I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
