grandma shit on top of the toilet
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
