please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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