When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
