if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Randomize
