I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
