u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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