i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
