MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
