Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
