We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize