That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
