I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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