Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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