I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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