Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
