If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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