Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
