I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
