he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Sorry my hands just texted you
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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