im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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