She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
