You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
