no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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