its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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