It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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