I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
