Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
