So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
