im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
