I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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