I puked a lego.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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