DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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