well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
