How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
