I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
