I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Terrible idea I love it
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
