She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize