Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize