The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
