That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
