Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
