My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
