I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
