just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
