I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
