On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
