I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize