Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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