I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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