From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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