How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
