My sheets look like a crime scene.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
