i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
