I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
