Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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