omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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