were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
