I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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