so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
