Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
