Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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