I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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